Malcolm Brown, Harmonizing Nightlife and Wellness: Elevated Frequencies Episode #8

Olivia: Well, Amanda, thank you so much for joining me. It's so nice to talk to you, uh, this way instead of over the phone.

Amanda: Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm excited to chat.

Olivia: Absolutely. So there's a lot, a lot I want to talk to you about because I'm so happy someone like you exists, but in order for it to all make sense, we need to really get into your backstory because in addition to being a DJ, you do a lot of other things. So tell me how this journey started.

Amanda: Hmm where to begin? Well it started at birth. No, so let's see. I think it really started when I was 15 and I had just dropped out of high school. Just for life was crazy and I just I needed to start my adult life pretty early and I needed to make money to pay rent. So I looked for a job and the first place to hire me was a nightclub. at 15. So I was like a hostess, it was like a restaurant that turned into a nightclub after hours. And I kind of just dove right into like the party scene and my love for like nightlife and service industry. Got a little kitty visiting here.

Olivia: Hehehe.

Amanda: And then I just stayed in it for a long time. So I basically moved up from... hostess to server to corporate trainer. I opened restaurants all over the country. I bartended at clubs and then I started DJing in my early twenties. So I basically like literally lived in a nightclub or a restaurant. So I wasn't bartending, I was DJing. And then if I wasn't working at night, I was out visiting my friends who were bartenders and DJs.

Olivia: Thanks for watching!

Amanda: And then, oh, go ahead.

Olivia: Yeah, well, I just, you told me that before that you kind of started at 15 and it struck me, but I think what really just struck me was the exposure that you had at such a young age to nightlife and all of its proclivities and, you know, different things that probably a 15-year-old shouldn't see

Amanda: Thank you.

Olivia: really just kind of highlights where you're at in your journey now. So

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Olivia: can you talk to me about that moment when you realized this is too much and maybe I need a change in my life?

Amanda: Yeah, so I mean, it was really like a series of moments. You know, it was like, I think probably just a few years into like working in the industry and being in that environment, I knew like in my gut, like this isn't healthy, this isn't sustainable, it's really fun and it's really, you know, like alluring. And, but something doesn't feel right, right? It was kind of, I could feel myself. pulling farther away from my higher self. If that makes sense. I think saying that a lot of people will identify with that actually. And it was just, you know, partying constantly, not taking care of myself. And I just, I knew that I was in a lot of ways that lifestyle was pulling me farther away from my potential and my happiness and like my true best version of myself. So it really was, it was a series of just like. partying, like going to festivals and just going way too hard and then hitting like these rock bottom depressions, really it was like a lot of depression, anxiety and just feeling like just not good, you know? And it just, it was honestly like probably for a few years that just kept happening. And I didn't really know anything else, right? Because I basically grew up in that world. So I didn't really know like. what to do. And so I went on this journey of like, okay, how I need to figure out how to get out of this and how to create healthier habits. Or else I'm not going to like, you know, I'm never going to be the best version of me, basically. So yeah, it was really just a series of just like, like rock bottoms of like really low lows, parting too hard and just like finding myself in really stupid situations. And you know,

Olivia: So I want to unpack a lot of that. I have a lot of questions about that. But before I ask, let's talk about what you're doing now. So the next step in your journey, after you realize that this lifestyle wasn't sustainable, was to do what?

Amanda: Yes, so once I had a, there was a few years of just, like I said, I was just reading every self-help book. I went to therapy, I hired coaches, I went to seminars, I did like the landmark forum, I did psychedelics. I went on this really crazy journey of just like finding how to bring myself back to me and how to feel better. And once I kind of, I had like kind of a pretty, there was like a turning point where I was like, okay, something just, it all clicked. And I realized, you know, I started speaking more and more about my experience and people were watching me, you know, people who had known me as just the party girl for so long saw me take, you know, totally go in a different direction and started coming to me for support. And it felt really good and very healing for me as well to be able to offer guidance and support to those people who were going through what I had gone through. So I started a coaching business. Um, and it just kind of happened, you know, I had a health, I got certified as a holistic health coach. And so I had kind of already the training to coach people. And then that kind of just evolved into coaching for people in the service industry. And then now I coach party people. So that's DJs, people in the service industry, anyone who's partying too hard or just involved in the party scene, um, and needs support to either get out or just learn how to balance it a little bit better. So that's where

Olivia: What

Amanda: I'm at now.

Olivia: I love, I love your business model because what I think is so key, there's a couple things. I wanna talk about the balance aspect, right? Cause this show is not about giving up what you love. But what I think is so key is you live the life, you had the experiences, you are not an outsider coming in who's saying, oh, party people, you cannot do X, Y, Z anymore.

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Olivia: You understand the different pressures, the lifestyle, the weird hours people may keep. And so you have this innate knowledge that probably opens people, they're more trusting of you, I imagine, because they know you know, and not discrediting other therapists or coaches, but like this unique knowledge you have, they can't get anywhere else.

Amanda: Yeah, totally. And I remember when I first, like I said, in my early 20s where I was like, okay, this isn't working, this isn't feeling good anymore. I need help, I need support. And I remember looking on the internet and trying to find resources or even just talking to people. I couldn't find anything. And nowadays there's a lot more resources out there that I'm seeing pop up, which is so amazing. There is something to be said about getting guidance and support from someone who's been exactly where you've been. And I've found that

Olivia: Absolutely.

Amanda: like the more that I share about, vulnerably share about my story, people like come out of the woodworks and they're like, oh my gosh, I thought I was alone, and

Olivia: Right.

Amanda: we're never alone. There's always someone out there who's been through it. So.

Olivia: And the key is sharing your story and not just preaching at people saying, Hey, I've literally been in your shoes. And you said that more and more people are starting to be a little bit more honest about how this lifestyle can, can wear on you and prevent you. Even if it's not, you know, running you ragged, it can still keep you stuck. Like you said, you might not be able to progress to the next level in your career, your love life, whatever it is, because it's kind of like this hamster wheel. And Something one of my subscribers asked me the other day said, I'd be really interested to know if artists feel like, if they go sober, will that affect their brand? Will it impact their ability to relate to certain people or hang in certain groups? And I thought that was a good question. I don't think it's a one size fits all, but does that come up in your coaching at all?

Amanda: It does, yeah. Yeah, I have this conversation a lot, you know, and I can understand why people would feel that way because it does appear like, oh, you know, you have to party and be part of the scene and show face. But at the end of the day, like, the only difference between being sober and not being sober is like what you're drinking. Like you can still drink, you know, I know we've talked a little bit about like taking breaks and sobriety and stuff, like you're still. You can have something in your hand. You can still drink soda water. It's just what's in that drink. So, yeah, this is kind of a lot. There's a lot I could say about this, but it doesn't. And there's so many other ways of staying connected in the scene and networking and showing up without having to be on drugs and alcohol. So, yeah,

Olivia: Absolutely.

Amanda: it doesn't have to. I think people have that belief sometimes and

Olivia: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: that belief is what blocks them. But at the end of the day, that really doesn't matter.

Olivia: Definitely and I think something important to point out and this is not a criticism But it's just a reality that sometimes drugs and alcohol are a crutch to be able to open up feel comfortable in a social setting you could be the most talented artist or You know DJ producer host promoter whatever in the world But you're but you're shy or you don't you know, you feel like you need this to be able to talk to people so I'm sure that probably comes up as well, right? Like people don't know how to function without it as like a tool to help them get through the night.

Amanda: Exactly. Yeah. And that's a huge thing that I, that's what I work through with probably most of my clients is, you know, when we remove the substance, which can be really uncomfortable sometimes, you know, usually if you're used to depending on it. Sorry about that. When

Olivia: today.

Amanda: you get used to, I'll just turn that off really quick. When you're so used to socializing and being in that environment under the influence and then you remove it, a lot comes up. And then you kind of discover why you did it to begin with. And I know like for me personally, I'm still kind of shy. That surprises people for some reason, but I'm super introverted. And I started partying when I was like 12, drinking when I was really young. And when I removed it, I realized, oh, I've used this as a crutch to socialize and connect with people all these years. And so... It can be really hard and uncomfortable in the beginning, but then you get to look at what's underneath that. And then you get to work through that. And then once you face, work through the challenges of the insecurities and the social anxiety and whatever it is for, it's gonna be a little different for each person. Then you, it sucks at first, it can be like, ah, but then when you face it head on and you work through it, then it's gone. And then you now can go in those environments and still have just as much fun. and find new ways of connecting with people. So it's always, I tell people, it's like there's a gift at the end of this. Like you, you know, it might be a really hard month or two months or year, but there's, you know, getting to work through those things would never, you'll never get to work through those things if you don't remove the substances. And it's gonna just be such a huge, you know, gift in your entire life to get to work

Olivia: Yeah.

Amanda: through that.

Olivia: And what I love too, and you and I align on this a lot, is you don't necessarily promote complete abstinence, right, from drinking.

Amanda: Okay.

Olivia: I saw in your profile you posted about mindful drinking. That's how you approach alcohol. And that's kind of what I've always said. I take breaks just to kind of reset my body. But I also, when I am in a period where I'm drinking, I'm really thinking to myself, is this a fabulous craft cocktail? Like is this $17 I'm about to pay for this drink really worth it? Like, because if it is, and a lot of the times there's, I mean, there's so many great, you know, bartenders where I live in Chicago, then for me, that's an experience. Having the drink is, is a col- almost a culinary experience versus am I just drinking this white claw because it's there in the cooler and everybody else is having one. And that was kind of like my first, my first step to reducing my alcohol intake.

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Olivia: So when you're working with your clients, how do you help them find the balance of what works for them?

Amanda: So yeah, I mean, it's different for everybody. But I think just the idea and the concept of mindful drinking is kind of new to people, you know? And it really is just bringing mindfulness and awareness to like, you know, ask yourself, why are you drinking? You know, are you drinking because you're trying to like mask an uncomfortable feeling?

Olivia: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: How are you drinking? Say you decide to move forward and have drinks, do you need to drink 10 drinks? Do you need to keep slamming tequila shots? Being mindful and drinking slower and drinking higher quality craft cocktails. And

Olivia: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: a lot of times, what happens when you start to question yourself, ask yourself those questions, like why, how, what. You realize you don't actually. need to drink at all sometimes. You know, there's times where you're like, you're just so, it's so automatic. You're like, oh, I'm at a party. I'm going to drink. But when you ask yourself, well, do I really need to drink? Do I need to drink that much? A lot of times we either end up not drinking or drinking a lot less, um, or just drinking slower. Yeah. So it's kind of the same thing, but, um, people aren't really taught to ask themselves those questions. And when you do really just take, take a, take a beat, take a few breaths and check in with yourself. You don't need

Olivia: Yeah.

Amanda: to be getting completely hammered. And that's what I think it is just so automatic for people in the party scene. It's just like, I go to the party, I take shots, I get fucked up and it's like, you know, it's,

Olivia: Yep.

Amanda: you know, you need to just, yeah. Take a breath and ask yourself some questions and see what happens.

Olivia: Yeah. And when you were talking about hitting the multiple rock bottoms, I think this is the most insidious part about being in any party scene is, you know, and I'm not suggesting that everybody has substance abuse problems because that's not the case, but you tend to hit multiple rock bottoms because there's something alluring about whether it's the music or whatever. that draws you in and you tend to forget how crappy you felt a couple

Amanda: We should.

Olivia: weeks

Amanda: Right?

Olivia: prior. And it doesn't prompt you to think because you're in a constant mode of recovery and just getting back to feeling good enough to do it again.

Amanda: Thank

Olivia: And

Amanda: you.

Olivia: so, like you said, you're not taught to stop and really think about what is the reason I'm doing this. And the moment that I had with alcohol and with going to shows was I truly am here for the music. And I think a lot of people, especially artists who like to go to venues themselves, I mean, they're there primarily because they love the music and they want to hear it on a badass sound system. And so all those other things are like accessories, right? They're not necessities.

Amanda: Right, yeah, totally. And I think a lot of times, I think this is true for me, is I mean, it was kind of both, I was in the party scene, but I've always been passionate about music since I was way before I was partying from childhood. I was making mix tapes for my friends and I always wanted to be some sort of musician or performer and then, DJing just kind of happened organically. Um, but somewhere along the way, I kind of lost sight of that, you know, and it did become more about the partying and, you know, DJing and, you know, touring and being in different cities and countries and playing, and people just give me drugs and alcohol. And it was just like, I got kind of caught up in like the rock star life for a while. And, um, that's another thing I do. I do have to remind people sometimes with my clients, it's like, well, why did you, you know, what, why did you really get into this, you know, or. If it's not a DJ, it's sometimes just people who, they just love to dance and go out and connect. But then sometimes we just kind of get lost in that and it's important to come back to like the core reason of why you're here in the first place. But

Olivia: Yeah.

Amanda: yeah.

Olivia: So can we talk about some of the different ways, because there's obviously detrimental health effects from drinking and other substances. But even if you're not a heavy user per se, what are some of the other roadblocks you see in your clients where you can kind of tell that... parting too much is affecting their ability. Is it maybe to progress in their relationships or get, you know, get a promotion at work? Are those the sorts of things you're seeing too?

Amanda: Yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean, it can affect, you know, every part of our life. And I think a lot of times, you know, what I see is people want to have these other, they want other, you know, things in life besides just what they're doing. Right. So, you know, starting a side business or, you know, or yeah, like you said, like excelling at work. And a lot of times people who work in the party world really lack structure. um and you know structure and boundaries and discipline and the drinking and partying just kind of like amplifies that right kind of like makes us a little more scatterbrained and like less focused and less motivated um so a lot of times it's just kind of coming back to like okay like the basics and you know creating a plan um because that's something that you know like our brains aren't really functioning and not getting enough sleep. So it's kind of like, cut back the partying or take a break from drinking and then let's put some structure and some boundaries and some routine back into your life, which I know for artists, a lot of times that feels really counterintuitive and like, no, I just wanna go with the flow. And I get that, that's how I was for most of my life as well. But when you, I'm sure you know this, but when you create those structures and those boundaries and the routines and all those things that actually creates more freedom. because you were getting stuff done. So yeah, that's something I see is just people wanting to, they're just getting stuck and not motivated to work out and not able to get these other goals that they have outside of just their careers or their party stuff.

Olivia: Yeah. So, okay. So I want to, I want to talk about that a little more. A couple of the things that I implemented into my life when I started my own business, because I knew it was the only way I was going to ever make it, you know, was cutting back on drinking. And then the two other big things were time boxing tasks. Because as a creative person, I'm kind of just, you know, tend to. be all over the place and kind of chase like, uh, I don't know. I don't know. They're chasing butterflies, rabbits down rabbit holes. Like I'll get an idea and want to go after it. And then, so time boxing things. And then really I've been getting a lot better at this as not looking at my phone for an hour in the morning

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Olivia: and met and meditating. So what are some of the tools? Because I know everybody's different, but do you have any tools takeaways that, you know, the audience can listen to and start incorporating into their life just to make it, you know, 1% better tomorrow.

Amanda: Yes, absolutely. And those are great. The ones that you said

Olivia: Thank

Amanda: I have,

Olivia: you.

Amanda: I actually have a really good little hack for the iPhone. I call it iPhone jail or cell phone jail, whatever. I guess most

Olivia: Okay.

Amanda: people have an iPhone. But this is like a game changer. So I think what you said is great, like start your day without the phone. So you're kind of starting your day with intention. But once you get into your workday, set a goal of like one or two hours per day of not having your phone and put it in iPhone jail, which is, or iPhone prison, whatever. So it's like, you can just get like a shoe box and like put it in the closet and then like say, hey Siri, set timer for two hours and just get it out of your line of sight and make that like just one thing that you do every time you're okay, like focused work.

Olivia: Yeah.

Amanda: And it's like, obviously you can just go get it out of the closet, but when you can't see it, You know, it's just, it's like, it's like five extra steps to go get your phone and you can't,

Olivia: right.

Amanda: you know, can't touch your phone until the timer goes off. Um, seems really simple, but it's such a, like amazing productivity hack. Um, so

Olivia: I need to do that.

Amanda: yeah.

Olivia: Yeah, because you don't realize how often you're just mindlessly scrolling your notifications. You lose so much time.

Amanda: Yeah,

Olivia: Crazy.

Amanda: total. Yeah. And then I always encourage, encourage everybody to have some sort of wake up routine. So I don't say morning routine, because I know a lot of times people don't, not everyone gets up in the morning, especially in the, you know, the nightlife. But just having like, four or five things that you do every morning that are going to start your day off right and with intention. So meditation is like the number one thing that really just helps every single part of your life, right? And that just, start your day with intention. You're more mindful throughout the day. You're more mindful about your choices and your decisions. So I always encourage everybody to meditate every morning and then, you know, some sort of movement, but whatever it is, just have some sort of kind of like book end. Like this is the first book end is your morning routine. And it doesn't have to be elaborate. You know, it can be really simple.

Olivia: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: And then having some sort of kind of book end at the end of the day. So I know that's gonna look different for everybody based on what their line of work is. But just having those, like, okay, I wake up and the first thing I do is meditate. And then I drink water. And then I go to, I read five pages of a book. Or it's gonna look different for everybody. So what else? Those are the two things that come to mind. So morning, evening routine, iPhone, jail. And then just utilizing a calendar. It's another thing that so many people are like, I don't want to use a calendar, but like use your Google, Google calendars is like. The game is a game changer and every Sunday or Monday, whatever it is, look at it and plug in those things that you really need to get done in the studio time. The workout, you know, the things that you, that we so easily will procrastinate and kind of push it well, see how I feel like put them in the calendar, set an alert and commit to going to them as if it was like a doctor's appointment. We don't just skip a doctor's appointment, but if you

Olivia: Yeah.

Amanda: treat your studio time or gym time just as important as a doctor appointment, it makes a world of difference.

Olivia: That's such a good, you don't skip a doctor's appointment. It's so true because we will, we tend to cheat ourselves when it comes to these sorts of tasks. And like, okay, like I have this insane, like old school planner here, right? And it's like, I use my Google calendar, it's day by day,

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Olivia: but then I always put the things at the top that are like the weak tasks. And I have to admit that these get bumped from week to week to week, cause it's just like stupid shit I don't wanna do.

Amanda: Okay.

Olivia: And, but it has to be done, like changing the address of my LLC. Like I don't want to go get a check and mail it to the

Amanda: Like this. Yeah.

Olivia: secretary's state. You know what I mean? But it's like things I have to do. So like putting it in my Google calendar, because I live and die by my Google calendar. That's

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Olivia: a really good idea because it is like an appointment. That's great advice.

Amanda: And that mindset shift in itself too, right? Like we're, for some reason we are just like, oh, well, you know, we don't take these things that we know are really important as seriously in the moment as we would, you know, again, like a doctor's or dentist appointment, because we're being held accountable in a different way. But

Olivia: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: when you can just say like, this is just as important. This is your career, this is your goal,

Olivia: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: this is your passion, treat it with that much importance. And then one more thing I want to add is like accountability, accountability buddies, you know what I'm trying to say.

Olivia: Cannabilla buddies.

Amanda: Yeah. That kind of bill of buddies. Um, but even if it's like for, you know, the like a gym or, you know, something that you're struggling to get yourself to motivate to do, find someone to either check in on you about, or do it with, do it with them. You know? So again, if using the example of like studio time. There's,

Olivia: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: it's just, there's such a, it's such a game changer, having someone else be like, Hey, okay, we're going to be at the studio at 3 PM tomorrow, like, see you there, you know, and make it

Olivia: Yeah.

Amanda: fun. Hey, then we'll grab happy hour after, or like, you know, grab coffee before, or something to make it like, you know, more, more fun.

Olivia: Right. And I think that I just saw you are launching a group, right, of, of accountabilibuddies, is that right?

Amanda: Yeah, yeah, I actually launched it a few months ago, and it's been, I kind of had to put it on pause just as I transitioned back from traveling.

Olivia: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: But I'm relaunching it. So there's about 30 people. It's all DJs, producers, and music industry

Olivia: Awesome.

Amanda: professionals. And we have a couple meetings a month, and it's free. So yeah.

Olivia: That's fantastic because it's great to find an accountability partner in somebody maybe you already know, but going back to there is still this stigma of being the one who's sober, can't hang, or is wanting more for themselves. Not everybody, even your friends unfortunately, are on that same high vibration. And so it's so great that there's resources like this. That's... As much as the internet has its problems, like this is why it's so great because you can find your tribe.

Amanda: Totally, yeah. Yeah, and it's the cool thing about this particular group is everyone has different goals, right? Some have a couple of people trying to finish an album and some people are just trying to get back into their healthy habits and everyone has different goals but being able to share them, when you speak a goal out and share it with other people, it becomes more real. And then when we meet back up for a Zoom meeting or just even it's in a Slack group. So people are just kind of supporting each other, but there's something really powerful in just being seen in, you know, sharing a goal and having people witness you, like even say it that holds you, you know, you're like, oh, now I have to do it because I told people I'm gonna do it. And that's

Olivia: Yeah.

Amanda: the whole purpose of this group. And it's cool to see there's people from all over the world in there too. And I didn't really realize how much people needed it. And it was kind of an experiment, but everyone's been. just so stoked to have a support, a little bit of support. And I think DJs and producers too, I mean, coming out of the pandemic, it's just been, I don't know, there's a lot of isolation that's still happening. And I think people are really in this community are craving more authentic non-party connection, like you were saying, just like, not just like, hey, let's get hammered at the bar and talk each other's ears off till four in the morning. Like it's... We've had enough

Olivia: Right.

Amanda: of that. Like, let's

Olivia: Yeah.

Amanda: have real conversations and help each other elevate.

Olivia: Yeah, a hundred percent. And so I want to talk about your music quickly here because this all obviously, well, I don't want to say obviously, but I'm assuming it probably translates into how you play your sets because, you know, music all has, you know, there's different frequencies, there's different vibes. Talk to me about how this lifestyle that you now live and being able to be a guide. to others, I mean, you're living at this very high frequency. How does that translate into when you're in front of a crowd and you're DJing for them?

Amanda: Hmm, great question.

Olivia: Thank you. Sorry if it's a, that's

Amanda: on? No,

Olivia: a thing.

Amanda: no, it's, I mean, I think the best way to describe it is there's, there's a lot of similarities, you know, and in what I do to support people in coaching and then DJing and it's all, you know, I'm such a intuitive, like feeling type of person, you know, so when I'm you know, coaching and, you know, just working with people, you know, I can really feel into what, you know, I'm feeling they need and support them. Like a lot of times people, like I've never been like a, this is my system, this is how I do it. With, you know, people go, oh, how does it work when you coach somebody? And I'm trying to get a little bit more systematic, but it's so different for each person. And so it really is about like feeling into, you know, what they need and... At the end of the day, I mean, my business is called feelbomb.com. You know, it's all about like feeling. We all just want to feel good, right? We just want to feel it's like feeling. Um, and then when I'm DJing, it's the same kind of thing. I never really have like anything planned. I just will have like, kind of, you know, put together some music that I think might go, and then I just flow with it.

Olivia: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: Um, and I, you know, I read the crowd and I see people look on people's faces and I see how people are moving their body and I just play my set based on like what I'm getting back from them too. Um. So I don't know if that answers your question, but it does feel really similar. It's very much like,

Olivia: Yeah.

Amanda: I guess I taught at a workshop last weekend for DJs and producers. And I realized that when I was preparing for that, it felt very similar to when I'm preparing for a gig, because I was like, I don't want to over prepare and then get up there and like, it doesn't feel right. So I'm going to kind of prepare like an outline and then just see what happens. And that's kind of how a DJ is well.

Olivia: Yeah,

Amanda: So yeah.

Olivia: I had a suspicion it translated. There was a little bit of, you know, similarity there, especially when, you know, I feel like your whole archetype is to just help others and be there for others and music can be so healing, right? Dancing is so healing. Moving your body, like, literally helps relieve stress.

Amanda: Thank you.

Olivia: And so I figured there was some sort of crossover. So

Amanda: It's all about elevating

Olivia: that's...

Amanda: the frequencies.

Olivia: Thank you.

Amanda: Yeah.

Olivia: You said it. Can I put that in an ad?

Olivia: Well, I really appreciate you taking the time to chat with me. This was so helpful. You gave me some things to walk away with and some new. I need to put my phone in phone jail. I need to put my annoying, I call it life's admin work. I need to put my admin work on my calendar so that I... actually do it. So thank you. I think you accidentally coached me a little bit.